Today is a vacation day.. I let my thoughts wonder. Instead of a head filled with inventory counts, schedules, and emails, I'll entertain myself with visions of silly things. I wonder if my writing is the "something" that is missing in my life. Somehow I seriously doubt it.
This morning (or early afternoon), as I successfully manuvered my smart/stupid phone (and trusty side kick), coffee mug and laptop between two hands, I feel the chill of winter moving into me as I settle onto the deck. The first delicate snowflakes dance around and politely disappear on top of the leaves - thank you very much. The leaves, now thats a whole different story... someone needs to rake up those bad boys. But not today. Today SHOULD be a laundry doing, wood pile stacking, leaf raking, house cleaning kind of day, but i can feel a current of electicity running through me saying "for what are you seeking". And to that I have no answer. I'm pretty sure I wont answer it now, but its the first step that starts a journey, isnt it? Anyhow, the leaves will be covered with snow soon enough.
As 2011 dwindles and I approcach the year in which I will turn 32, I reflect. A life, MY life which has been so full of ups and downs, defeats and victories.. but mine nonetheless. Filled with events and decisions, blessings and pits of despair, all mine to lay claim to.
So then, for what am i seeking? Nothing can compare to the sound of laughter from my children or to the satisfaction of knowing my own strengh. I bask in the glory of my friends and family. So I talk myself thorough this as a reassurance. I replay memories that can never be taken (unless in a geriatric state im ravaged by alzheimer's) and hold on to them for dear life. Replaying them like a movie, I am mentally curled up on the couch with a blanket and popcorn. All the while, creating new ones with a sense of urgency. How quickly time flies by us. I sound like my grandma!
I think just for today i will seek contentment. To be comfortable iin my own skin is the goal. (and to pick up the new Harry Potter)
